I began my fitness journey about one year ago. And I started it because I wanted to
look fit – not necessarily that I wanted to be fit, but I wanted to look it. It’s shallow, I know, but that is the long and short of it.
Growing up, I always worried about my weight. But I guess I didn’t worry about it too much since I didn’t really do anything about it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have never been “fat” but I was never skinny. I was average. And my sisters (with the exception of my oldest sister) were of average weight too, so I figured that as long as we were average together, everything worked out. However, as my two middle sisters reached their twenties, their weight just magically dropped off and they became incredibly skinny… to my dismay. And, unrealistically with a hint of desperation, I thought, “Okay, if that happened to them when they reached 21, that might happen to me, too… right?” Well, it didn’t. The binge eating didn’t help much either, but I didn’t pay attention to that – all I knew was when I reached the age of 21, I was 150 lbs and the heaviest of all my sisters (there’s 3 of them). Now, while you would not have called me athletic, I wasn’t a couch potato either. I was more of an in-and-out exerciser - I would start but not have the discipline to stick it out so my exercise bouts would last for a couple of weeks and then stop. Also, I LOVED TO EAT - I was an emotional eater, I ate when I became bored, I ate to have fun, I ate at mealtimes, I just loved to eat. So, my typical exercise/eating cycle would go like this:
“I need to exercise, I’m getting fat!”
*begins to exercise. starts to feel good. then gets lazy*
“I don’t feel like exercising today. Missing a day won’t hurt. I feel better anyway.”
*takes a day off of exercising. next day: *
“I don’t want to exercise today. This is so unfair! Why can’t I be thin without having to put in so much effort? I’m depressed, I don’t want to exercise now. I’m gonna eat.”
*eats something delicious yet incredibly fattening. stops exercising completely and a couple of months go by.*
“Omigod, I’m so fat. I have to exercise.”
*starts to exercise.*
This is the cycle that I continually went through. Last year, though, I got downright sick and tired of it and thought to myself: “What in the world would happen if I actually stuck to an exercise routine? If I ever were consistent with exercising, can you imagine how much thinner I would be now?” (Remember, I wanted to
look fit, not necessarily
be fit.) So, in March 2007, I began to exercise. I looked for an event that I wanted to look good for and I set my goal that I would exercise regularly until that date. And when that date came around, I set my sights on another date, then another, and then another. So, I just kept on exercising so when the event would arrive, I at least knew that I was doing what I could to feel better about the way I looked. And to my surprise and delight, not only was I losing weight but I was also curbing my appetite, regulating my mood and bowels (I know, a little TMI, huh?
, desiring to eat healthy, and giving me heaps of energy that I never had before. I loved being so active and felt so good about the way I looked and felt. But now, I went to the other side of the spectrum and became obsessed with fitness. I worried that if I missed just ONE day of exercise, I would immediately gain weight and would fight against anything that would potentially stop me from exercising. *sighs* Can I ever win?
Where I am at now: I am still a little obsessed with exercising but am aware of it and working towards finding a balance between living my life and fitting in exercise. This blog will follow me from here on as I try to achieve this balance. It will also have information or articles about fitness/healthy eating that I find particularly interesting and other little tidbits that I find here and there. So, let’s get started! Enjoy!
